Esther 5:13 reads,
“Yet all this does not satisfy me every time I see Mordecai the Jew sitting at the king’s gate.”
In this chapter of Esther, Esther begins her petition with the king to save the Jews after Haman‘s edict to kill them all. To do this she decides to hold a banquet for only herself, King Ahasuerus, and Haman. Happily Haman replies, and arrogantly accepts another invite for the following evening. When Haman arrives home he brags about his favor with the king and queen to his wife and friends. However, in this verse he admits that this favor is not enough to make him happy.
For Haman status was everything. After all, what else would led him to demand that everyone bow to him and then threaten to kill all the Jews because one man did not do as he requested? Just as with anything else such as money, power, fame, etc, once Haman achieved a status of favor and respect he had to have more. In this verse it is clear that Haman could only focus on the negative around him. Haman was high with happiness until one negative thing happened, he spotted Mordecai by the gates. That one negative caused him to forget everything good around him (like his special invite from the queen). He then turns his focus to his evil desire and sets out to rectify the “wrong” and obtain more status by planning to hang Mordecai on gallows fifty bits high. Haman was willing to let his dissatisfaction take another man’s life.
Sadly, when I read this recount of Haman’s dissatisfaction and desire for something else, someone else came to mind – me. How many time have I been dissatisfied with what I have? In comparison, how often do I find myself simply being content? I don’t want to be like Haman, only focusing on the negatives and never being content with the positives in my life. For me I never seem to get enough time with Lyle. I spend a majority of every day by myself while Lyle is at work. Do you know how boring that is?! But because I focus on that dissatisfaction, I tend to take for granted the time I do have with him. Of course my dissatisfaction hasn’t led to thoughts of taking someone else’s life, but it has devalued moments with my husband.
How about you? What do you tend find dissatisfaction in over and over again? Do the negatives in your life seem to take over like vines twisting and forcing their way into the positive moments? Think about it, and if they don’t then great. I’m glad you do not have this struggle. If they do then strive to do better. Don’t be a Haman. Try to think about the ramifications of your dissatisfaction.